Failed Attempt
by ptessadactyl
Summary: Neji tries, and fails, to explain sex to his younger cousin. Slight HinataxNaruto.


**A/N** You've asked for it, so here it is. The 'sequel' to CODE RED. If you haven't read the first one, well, that's okay. It doesn't really tie into this one anyhow.

Hinted HinataxNaruto.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. All definitions that Neji says either come straight from a dictionary, or are close to that of a dictionary.

----

_Swish. Thunk_

_Swish, swish, Thunk, thunk._

Precise, accurate. Each kunai hit its target dead on.

Sweat dribbled down Hyuuga Neji's cheek slowly until his hand wiped the droplets away. For the past hour or so, he had been practicing with the small daggers. His skills where no where near Tenten's, but there was always room for improvement.

Leisurely he tossed the kunai in hand up and down. It glistened as it spun, reflecting the sun's rays. He regulated his breathing as he stared up at the sky, faintly noticing the clouds roll past. Cumulonimbus, he noted. Ah, such a nice day for practicing.

The toss-and-catch motion of his hands stopped, kunai hooked between his pointer and middle finger. As he calculated the distance the target was and the speed rate that he usually threw at, the sound of small steps caught his ears. Judging from the pace and weight in the steps he made an educated guess that the new-comer was Hyuuga Hinata.

"N-Neji nii-san?" The timid, stuttering voice proved her identity. Her footsteps ended about a foot behind him.

"What?" Neji grunted in response. If he put a slight spin in the kunai, it could embed itself deeper and quicker.

"I, um...I have a...question." Of course if he couldn't hit a vital point, the weapon would be useless. He made another odd man-like grunt that signaled he had heard the girl and expected her to go on.

"How-how do you, um..." His fingers curled around the throwing dagger as his arm drew itself back.

"How-How do you gi-give someone head?"

_Swish. Twang! Crack! Clunk, clunk, clunk._

The kunai missed it's target entirely and hit another knife, cracking it in two. Both pieces of cracked metal, along with the knife thrown, fell harmlessly to the ground.

Neji stood, mouth open, and in horrified shock. He couldn't feel his body thus it couldn't move from it's throwing position. As the question registered itself in his mind, his muscles slackened and his arms fell beside his body limply.

Hinata bit the tip of her thumbnail. Did she say something wrong? Probably. Hesitantly she reached out and touched her cousin's shoulder.

"Neji nii-san?"

Neji sighed. This was it. It was time to give Hinata... '_The Talk_'. He tilted his head back, eyes fixed onto the clouds overhead. Why couldn't her father give her this talk,Neji wondered to himself. That ungrateful bastard would always leave things for him to do.

Neji's head turned towards her slowly, reminding Hinata of that girl from the movie _Exorcist_ that Kiba made her watch. Slightly petrified, she gulped and pulled her hand back. A high-pitched squeaked was made from the small girl's vocal cords as Neji captured her hand in his.

"Come," he said reluctantly, pulling the horrified girl behind him. "We need to have a talk."

----

Neji's room was un-characteristically... yellow. And insanely clean. The wooden floors where so polished they sparkled, much like his sensei's teeth. The wallpaper, along with the bedspread, where a pale yellow color. It was oddly... calming. A tad bit girly, too (the bedding was covered with baby chickens).

Hinata sat in the middle of the overly-cleansed room, sitting on a sunny yellow plush pillow (which, by the way, had little chickens all over it to go with the decor of the room). Absent mindedly she fingered the soft fabric as she watched her elder cousin trod back and forth in front of her.

Once again the tip of her thumbnail had found its way to her mouth (she had dropped her finger poking habit, only to pick up another bad one). Her ears perked up as she heard Neji sigh.

"Hinata-san," he drawled out. The said girl looked at him wide-eyed. He had dropped the ending honor-suffix from her name! And she knew what that meant; Neji was going to not only lecture her, but ramble-lecture her. Suppressing a sigh Hinata nodded her head.

Neji racked his Hyuuga brand brain. Something like this shouldn't be hard, he was a genius for crying out loud! Of course, geniuses don't have to explain sex to younger, _female_ members of their families. Biting his lip Neji stopped his nervous pacing, it was starting to take away the shine of his floor, and silently sat himself in front of Hinata.

"Do you know head is, Hinata?" he questioned cautiously.

"Uh-uh," Hinata mumbled shaking her head side to side.

"Well, who told you about... it?" Neji asked, watching the Hyuuga heiress carefully. First things where first; Neji needed to find out who had mentioned this to his virgin-minded relative.

"I-I overheard Kiba saying it to-to Shino." Ah-ha. Neji did an inner dance of joy at finding the culprit's name. Biting the tip of her nail almost to the breaking point, Hinata tried to recall the jist of the conversation her comrades had engaged in.

She put a finger to her chin in the universal thinking pose. "He wa-was saying how some girl gave him some head, and now they- they're dating, I think."

Neji had a hard time holding back an 'ew!'. Who their right mind would give that sixteen year-old flea-bag... ugh. Suddenly Neji was glad he hadn't had time to eat breakfast, for it would be splattered over his floor.

"And-and I was thinking, if-if I found out how to give someone head, then I'd try to give Naruto some. Then, maybe, he'd go-go out with me." Hinata curiously looked over at her cousin who had started to choke. She watched in a sadistic fashion as Neji struggled to breath, turning red in the face, and claw at his own throat. He was such a drama queen at times.

Neji, on the other hand, couldn't believe his ears. As he tried to regulate his breathing he decided that he needed to explain everything that he knew to the girl. He took in a deep breath then let it out slowly.

"Do you know what sex is, Hinata?" Hinata blinked her eyes.

"Not really..." No, of course she didn't. Hinata was the virgin of the town and always would be. Not because she was unattractive-no, quite the opposite. It was just, if any male who had the intentions of even thinking about Hinata over the G rating would not only be castrated, but also forced to drink their own genitalia that had been whipped into a smoothly-like drink complete with a little umbrella.

But that wasn't what was happening now. Right now, someone had to explain to Hinata what sex was. And, seeing as Neji was the only person in the room besides the girl herself, it was his job to do so. Of course, he came to that exact decisions ten minutes prior this, but, he determined, it was always good to remind one's self of the tasks they had to partake in. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he looked at his cousin and prepared to try to not scar her for life.

"Sex is an act done for reproduction or pleasure involving penetration, especially one in which a man inserts his erect penis into a woman's vagina," Neji said in an _I-just-read-this-out-of-a-dictionary_ tone. He nodded his head to himself, as to justify and accept his own answer. Now, he just needed to see what Hinata's reaction was.

Hinata bit her lip, looking down at her knees in thought. Neji could practically see the gears turning inside the young girls head as her mind processed the information he supplied her with. After minutes of thinking, she looked up. Her wide eyes locked onto Neji's mirroring ones.

For once in his life Neji felt good about what he just did. Like he had just explained quantum physics to someone, or completed a two-thousand piece puzzle. A small, almost undetectable smile graced his lips. Oh yeah, he was good.

"Wha-what's a penis?" If they where in an anime or a manga, Neji would have face-faulted. But, seeing as this is merely a story, he fell backwards and wacked his head. His left eye twitched sporadically while his mouth hung open in an odd square shape. The feeling of almost godly-ness left as quick as it appeared and was replaced by pure shock.

Hinata watched her cousin twitch with a bored expression on her face. He confused her more then anything else. Oh well, she though letting out a silent sigh, every family has one member with a few loose screws.

"You know what?" Neji asked as he situated himself back into the sitting position, rubbing the part of his head that hit the floor. A headache had just situated itself inside his skull and began throbbing dully behind his eyes. This was just too much for him.

"Forget everything I just said." Hinata gave him a blank stare as he cradled his head in his hands. Shrugging, Hinata got to her feet and slowly made her way to his door.

"If you say so, Neji-niisan," she said unsurely looking back into the room and at Neji who was motioning her to go. He just couldn't deal with this anymore.

"Yes, yes. Now go away." Sighing, Hinata lightly closed the door and headed out of the compound. She would just go to Kurenai-sensei and ask her, then.

And so, with no thanks to Neji, Hinata got all the information she needed about sex from Kurenai (which, coincidentally, left her passed out from a very heavy nosebleed).

-**T****h****e**-**E****n****d**-

**A/N **About the honor suffixes; I did some research about that (hopefully it was right). Instead of calling her Hinata-sama (Lord Hinata) and talking to her as if she is above him, Neji talks to Hinata like she is family (which, incidentally, she is).

It would be very much appreciated if you reviewed, so, get to it!


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